Jaded Iris
by Snow Shadows
Summary: Allen's life changes dramatically after a car accident and his best friend, Lenalee, plans on helping him getting through. It's not easy for either of them or their friends that tag along in the solace. Not only does Lenalee care for her friend, she loves him, but she has no idea how to tell him, especiialy now.
1. The Accident

**Jaded Iris**

**-o0o-**

**- Chapter 1 -**

**-o0o-**

**- The Accident -**

* * *

Allen squinted his eyes as he fastened his seat belt. Thunder cackled menacingly and red heat lightning flashed, practically blinding Allen. It was currently 4:27 AM and he was about to drive out of a gas station parking lot and onto a Highway 44 so he could go home. Not many people were around-maybe two or three people other than him were at the gas station. Once the tank was full and he paid for the gas taken, and a few snacks, he prepared to drive home. He blinked back his tiredness and disregarded his exhaustion while rain pounded on the vehicle. He didn't even leave the parking lot before his cell phone rang. He immediately parked and picked it up.

With a weary sigh he studied the ringing phone and the name written across the screen-Lenalee. He knew better than to ignore the call and was just grateful that he hadn't been on the highway yet. Clicking accept he pressed the small black phone to his ear and leaned back.

"Hello, Lenalee." Allen greeted.

"Where are you, Allen?" Lenalee demanded.

Allen smiled at the evident concern Lenalee held in her tone. "I'm almost in Edo. I'll be there in about an hour or so. Hopefully."

This time when Lenalee spoke Allen winced at the sharp, tight tone she held. Even when she wasn't there with him in person she could be significantly frightening. She was a sweet person, really, but she's a Lee and every Lee in Edo had a fascinating reputation for being scary. For example, Komui, Lenalee's older brother, was mighty frightening when it came to her sister. Lenalee is only scary when she is worried or flat-out angry (and on special occasions), but the latter was unusual.

"Hopefully?" Lenalee seethed through the phone.

"It's raining cows and pigs. The thunderstorm is mild now, but if it doesn't let up then I may not get home for a long time." Allen told her, rubbing his tired eyes. "There's no need to worry. I'll be fine."

Lenalee's soft sigh brought the smile back to Allen's face. "Cows and pigs, Allen?"

Allen chuckled, but yelped when another round of crackling thunder screamed. It was almost deafening, but even so he could hear the laughter from the other line. After a few brief moments that laugh became strained and Allen bit the inside of his lip. She was not only worried because he was alone, the time, him already being late, and the sun abandoned the white-haired teen for a few hours, but because he only had his permit and not a license. Safe driver or not, it was against the law for someone his age and with only a permit to be driving alone.

"Everybody missed you for the last few weeks."

"I missed everyone as well. I can't wait to see all of you."

"Allen..?" Lenalee asked softly.

"... Yes, Lenalee?"

"... I want to tell you... I mean... Oh, Allen... I don't know how to..."

Allen furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion. Lenalee was pausing a lot and it wasn't like her. She was normally very confident, but Allen could hear the nervousness leaknig from her as she spoke. He could only imagine how tired and disheveled she looked.

"You should go back to bed, Lenalee." Allen told her.

"I haven't slept at all." Lenalee retorted a little too casually.

"Go to bed."

"But I have to tell you something."

Allen sighed, looking at the time on the stereo. He should be heading out. He'd have to put the phone down very soon.

"What is it?"

"... Just... Be careful."

Allen pressed end when he heard the other line go dead and he put his cell phone in the passenger seat. He quickly left the gas station and slightly leaned forward. Not long after he got on the highway the rain started coming down harder and harder, and oddly enough, there were a lot of people on the highway for late at night (or early in the morning if you want to be specific). To him, th rain that pelted against his car sounded like hail and he wouldn't be all too surprised if it was hail. And despite the rain Allen rolled down his window just a crack so the cold air would keep him awake as he prayed no cops pulled him over.

Fog began to mist Allen's vision and the storm only got worse. Some cars around him were speeding and others were going as slow as sloths and slugs. Allen was steadily decreasing the speed at which he traveled, but he was still going pretty fast. His phone rang again, but Allen never answered it. After the ringing stopped it came back a moment later. Allen already knew it was Lavi, maybe Kanda, because Lenalee knew he was driving and would only attempt to call once. She understood Allen would never talk on the phone or text while driving. But after several minutes of being annoyed by the phone Allen reached over-never taking his eyes off the road-and turned it off before tossing it back to the passenger seat.

The icy air blew against his face, pushing his hair away. It was a little comforting even though it was turning his face blue with frost. His head bobbed and he blinked his eyes a few times. He had the radio on, so classical music was drifting in the air, but that was probably making him more sleepy. So Allen turned it off and rolled the window down more. This time he could feel the rain smacking his skin and swimming down his face. The next few minutes went by really slow and he knew he was ready to fall asleep, but there were no more rest areas to stop at before he reaches Edo. He feared he was swerving a little and squinting his eyes again he realized he was. He didn't like that so he turned right to get out of the middle lane and into the far right, but as he did that lightning flashed across the entire sky with a loud rumble in suit. Allen-startled and frightened-jumped and accidentally pressed his foot on the gas petal and he spun the steering wheel, driving the car off the right lane and into the next. With the road as smooth and wet as it was it caused his vehicle to slide.

He swerved from lane to lane uncontrollably, stepping on the brakes as hard as he could. He could hear a few horns honking at him from the side or behind, but disregarded them and carefully pressed the gas petal. He remained in the same lane and gripped the wheel tightly, trembling in fear from the sudden and unexpected event. He took a few deep breaths and for a long time everything seemed perfectly fine, excellent, but another flash of lightning blinded Allen and the other drivers, lighting up the entire sky for two minutes-at least that's how it seemed-and that caused several people to jerk around.

The (seemingly) monster truck in front of Allen halted without warning and Allen slammed his foot on the brakes for a second time that night. The road was slick with water and it forced Allen's car to swerve and glide around like last time, but much worse. It turned sideways, tires screeching, and the few surrounding cars did similar actions. Allen tried to spin the car around or move its direction, but it was impossible and then Allen crashed into the truck. The white-haired boy his head against the window and-he assumed-the truck's rear. There was a lot of shaking and vibrating and moving around violently, but it all went by so fast Allen couldn't keep up. He knew he was the only car that wrecked though, but something happened that caused his gas petal to jam and it kept moving. His head felt heavy and he could feel something hot running down his face, but he forced himself to lift his aching head. His eyes widened and before he could react, he crashed again, but this time his car stopped and something penetrated his chest. His body jolted and another car crashed into the back of his vehicle, pushing whatever it was in his chest further in and making everything around him crush his body.

T Here was nothing but pain coursing through his body and red singing his vision. Time seemed to slow and fear squeezed his heart. _I'm going to die_, Allen thought repeatedly, _I'm going to die... I'm sorry... Lenalee..._ And Allen's eyes sealed shut.

* * *

Lavi hummed cheerfully as he walked down the attic stairs, or what he calls his bedroom. Bookman was already fully awake and sitting at the dining table reading the newspaper while taking a drink of his hot tea. When Lavi entered he glanced at his grandson. Said redhead saluted to Bookman. The elder raised an eyebrow curiously yet suspiciously at the bandana-wearing kid.

"Why are you so perky t his morning?" Bookman inquired.

"Why?" Lavi repeated, his grin widening as he walked over to the oven and began to make some chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, yolk eggs and toast, and heated up some syrup, and still chirping gleefully. Bookman waited patiently for Lavi to answer. If Lavi was this excited, and amazingly energetic and cheerful for being woke up at four AM on a Saturday, then Bookman knew Lavi would spill the beans so long as he doesn't press the question at hand.

"Gramps," Lavi drawled quietly. "School starts in less then a month and its August. The third to be exact."

Bookman folded the newspaper and set it down on the table. "Is something important supposed to happen today?"

"Yes! Allen's coming home from that damn program-conventioin-school-thing he went to this summer! He's going to be back today! I can finally see the shortstack in person!" Lavi exclaimed, spinning on his heels and accidentally tossing his first chocolate chip pancake in the air and it fell on his head. His grin only got bigger and his emerald eye gleamed. "My buddy is coming back! The soft-hearted, gentle, understanding, dense, innocent, short, lovable, fun-to-tease, patient Allen Walker is coming back and I can taunt him all I want!"

Bookman shook his head, but his eyes shined with humor as he watched Lavi throw his hairy pancake in the garbage. As he put more batter in the pan his callular started vibrating in his pocket and he hoped it would be Allen calling him back, but when the admirable ringtone sang to him he knew it wasn't, but his mood only got better.

"_Ai ee yai yai, ai ee yai yai, ai ee yai yai. Where's my samurai? Ai ee yai yai, ai ee yai yai, ai ee yai yai. I've been searching for a man all across Japan just to find my samurai. Someone who is strong, but still a little shy. Yes, I need-I need my samurai . Ai ee ya-_"

Lavi cut off the song as he accepted the phone call, chirping even more, "Hellooooo, Yuuuuuuuu!"

"Turn the TV on to Channel 4 News." Kanda's gruff voice said calmly and flatly.

Lavi scratched his cheek, his smile faltering slightly. Was Kanda feeling alright? He didn't threaten to kill Lavi. He didn't yell at Lavi. He didn't call Lavi a Baka Usagi. Kanda was calm and... disturbingly serious. Lavi knew this wasn't the time to fool around with him. So he walked to the living room and turned on the small TV, but he had no idea where the remote was. While he was searching for it under the couch he tried to start a conversation.

"Kanda, is something wrong? What's going on?" Lavi asked.

"Just do as I say for once!" Kanda ordered.

"I'm trying to! Chill Hothead." Lavi grumbled, his hands rummaging through the couch cushions. After three seconds he found the remote and instantly pressed four. "Okay, I got it on, but what's the damn problem? Huh? Yuu Ka-"

"Listen!"

Lavi sighed, setting the remote down and placing his free hand on his hip. A lady with luscious blonde hair and red lipstick frowned and sorrow filled her blue eyes. Lavi felt his heart skip a beat when she walked across a wet road with three lanes. Lavi had been there enough time to know it was the highway that allowed people to access Edo from the east. He bit his lip and prayed his notion was wrong, but his stomach churned and he could feel his eye water already.

"Right now I'm on Highway 44 where a massive collision occurred only minutes ago. It's an estimate of 13 to 20 cars that have been wrecked in this crash and so far six people have been claimed dead. Police are blocking traffic from coming in and out of Edo from this route. According to Detective Galmar this crash is far too gruesome for us to televise, but as you can see, you are allowed to see the cars." the newslady said, eyeing the cars behind her and Lavi clenched his jaw. "Firefighters are trying to free any trapped people in this large crash because al the vehicles are packed together, and they are also putting out fires. No identities have been given as of yet, but-"

Lavi zoned out when he saw a familiar vehicle in the background. It was hard to get a view of since it had been hidden behind many cars and beatened and battered, apparently rammed by several other vehicles. His eye widened even more as his jaw hung open. There was no doubt in his mind. And he could even see a hint of white and red in that car. Any other words that came out rushed and skittishly from the lady who seemed disgusted from the revolting scene she's seeing in person.

"Kanda, Allen... is there..."

"You sure?" Kanda questioned.

"Of course. That's Allen in t-" Lavi said, but stopped when he saw a horde of firefighters go over to the spot he had fixated his eye on. A few moments later and right before the newslady ran off to probably puke, two guys pulled a white-haired boy with a red scar on his face out of a silver vehicle that Allen had used for his trip. The boy was, without a doubt, Allen. "-the background." Lavi finished, then dropped his cell phone. His fingers could no longer have a strong grip on any item.

Without a moment's hesitation or second thought Lavi took off running. He dashed out of the house and ignored Bookman's yells and the smoke detector that went off. The rain chilled Lavi to the bone, but the what he saw and what he was thinking froze his delightful core as panic washed over him. His legs moved faster and he never stopped until he literally ran into a wall. He bounced backwards, but then walked it off. For a long time he couldn't bring himself to run and then a car-the last thing Lavi wanted to see right now-stopped in front of him, somewhat on the sidewalk. However, the window was rolled down so he could see it was Kanda, Daisya, and Marie all crowded in the front.

"Get in now!" Daisya hollered.

Lavi scrambled in the vehicle and an image of the wreck flashed into his mind. He should have buckled up after what he's saw, but he didn't. As he let himself calm down just a little bit and take a few deep breaths, he realized he had seen a metal rod sticking out of the absolutely undeniably Allen. It was in his chest. God, Allen's lungs and heart was near there.

"You are absolutely sure that was the Moyashi you saw on TV?" Kanda inquired as he whizzed by street after street.

"... Yes." Lavi said shakily, closing his eye to force back a tear. "I saw his scar. I saw it."

"... That's what I thought."

* * *

Lenalee ran into the ER and she followed a man and woman who carried somebody who was slightly burnt and bleeding on a stretcher. They noticed her, but said nothing. The place was crowded with nurses, doctors, people who had come to the ER this early, and the ambulance with the new patients. Lenalee stopped running when she found a hall with faces she knew. They were arguing with someone at a desk and she looked sympathetic and slightly irritated.

"-end was definitely in that wreck! We need to know how he is! We have to-" Lavi screamed.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but no one has been identified yet. You will just have to wait. I'm sorry. I know how you must feel." she said softly.

Lenalee pushed Lavi out of the way, hearing a small grunt from him and Kanda whom she bumped into. "Have you seen everyone they've brought here?" Lenalee asked through pants.

"... So far... Y-yes, I think so." the woman told her.

Lenalee nervously gulped, a few tears streaming down her cheeks along with rain that soaked her clothes and hair. She curled her fingers, gripping Kanda's arm since he was closest. The nurse looked at her with deep concern. Lenalee was hysterical and the most distraught out of the gang.

"Have you seen a boy... with white hair... white hair, pale skin... and a mark... over his left eye... looks like a weird tattoo. Pentacle at the top, red, and it... it... he...?" Lenalee questioned.

The nurse's mouth hung open a little and a grim look crossed her face. Hesitantly, she nodded. "I'm afraid so. He was brought in about five minutes before these men got here. He in OR right now, but that's all I know. Are any of you... relatives?"

"No, we're his friends, but he's an orphan. We're practically family." Marie remarked.

The nurse told them to sit down and wait. It felt like forever and it probably had been a few hours. Lavi and Kanda sat beside Lenalee. Lavi hugged her until Komui came. Her brother knelt in front of her, embracing the upset 16-year-old girl while Lavi stroked his own leg for comfort. Kanda held an unreadable expression, but he held Lenalee's hand. The loud noise in the hospital died down a little and all around them people were crying and leaving. No one from the wreck has survived yet. It was excruciating for them to sit there and wait for the news. Lenalee managed to hold back most of her tears. They all did.

"Excuse me, are you all waiting for Allen Walker?" the nurse from earlier asked.

"Yes." Lavi mumbled.

"I'm Lisa... As for Allen... The good news is he's alive." Lisa said, squeezing a folder tightly. You could see her reluctance. "Uh, is his guardian... Marian Cross here?"

"I am now." a coarse, raspy voice answered, foot steps following the words. A tall, lean, long red-haired man stopped beside Lisa with a stoic expression. "How's the brat's condition?"

Lisa sighed wearily. "Fatal. He has many injuries. The most critical is a small hole in his heart... He's lost a lot of blood and he needs a transfusion which he's having done right now. His left arm... was severed and his right hand is broken. He... His injuries are severe and the doctors don't think he'll live much longer. He's currently on life support. His body isn't functioning properly and he can't breathe on his own. His lungs seem to be fine, so we believe his body is shutting down."

Lenalee couldn't force the tears back anymore. They all began to fall rapidly and she hugged Komui again, crying on his shoulder. She didn't even want to imagine a crippled Allen. It was so unfair. Completely unfair. Allen didn't deserve this. What hurt the most, though, was that she never told Allen how she felt. She never told Allen how much he meant to her. What also hurt was that not long ago Allen and she were casually talking like nothing could ever go wrong.

"Ho-how long?" Lenalee whispered.

"The doctors give him less than two hours." Lisa mumbled.

"Can we see him?" Lavi asked.

"We recommend you don't."

"Why not?" Kanda growled.

"It's pretty bad. It would be hard for friends and family to take in and in case he does die, that last image of him would..." Lisa trailed off, looking sadly at her feet. "We aren't going to stop you from seeing him, but he's in a coma so he won't talk."

"What if he lives past two hours?" Daisya asked.

"If he lives past two hours, then his chance of living will be a little higher, but not much. I would give him a few days. I assure you we're doing everything we can. Someone will be with him at all times just in case something happens."

"Thank you, Miss. Lisa." Komui uttered.

Lisa nodded and left. Cross eyed the group before sitting down in a chair. He studied Lenalee and she stared at him, unsure of what to say to Cross. She had to admit she was surprised Allen's crazy guardian was actually here. She wondered how he found out. Someone? A call? The news? It didn't really mattered. What truly mattered was Allen's survival.

Six hours have passed. Six hours and Allen was still alive. Lenalee had more faith and more hope for Allen. She even prayed. She prayed every second. She refused to eat and no one blamed her. ANyone who did eat forced their food down or used it as a mere distraction that failed miserably. No one called any of Allen's other friends yet. They wanted to make sure Allen would be fine. That Allen would have a higher chance of living.

"He'll be fine." Komui uttered.

"What?" Lenalee whispered.

"Allen will live. For as long as we've known him he's been a fighter. Right, Lenalee?"

Lenalee nodded. Komui was right. Allen would never die easily. Even in situations like this. This wasn't the first time he's come to a situation where he might not live. Allen had to live. He was going to live. And Lenalee began to believe that. It didn't matter to her if it was feeble hope or a string of thoughts she wanted to trust. In the end it was her heart that wished it to be true and that was why she let her brother convince her so fast. There was a small part of her that understood he may die though. However, her mindset changed when she heard a loud beeping noise. Actually, she's heard it since she's gotten there, but now it was beeping much slower. Then... it stopped beeping and a long siren-like noise echoed through the halls.

"Doctor! We need a doctor! A patient's heart stopped beating!"

"Where?"

"What patient? What room?"

"Walker, Allen Walker!"

Lenalee felt her own heart freeze and she clutched her chest, eyes wide. Nurses and doctors alike ran into a room nearby. The siren noise echoed in Lenalee's ears and everything went by so fast. The movement, the seconds, the sounds, everything. It was all a blur. She heard orders being shouted. She heard a zapping sound. She felt cold and lost. Before she knew it, some stranger was standing in front of her with a solemn expression. The hundredth one she's seen and she knew what he was going to say. She covered her ears and shook her head, whispering no over and over again. Lenalee couldn't accept it. She wouldn't.

"I'm sorry, but Allen Walker is dead."

"No." Lenalee muttered. "Allen can't be dead. No. No. No. NO!"

"Lenalee..." Lavi mumbled, rubbing her shoulder. "You-"

"NO!"

Lenalee wouldn't listen to what anyone would say. Life was still a blur. Physically, mentally, emotionally, everything felt empty, everything went by and she felt lifeless. Just like the Allen was supposed to be. She cried and she protested. SHe couldn't accept it. Her heart couldn't take it. It was unbearable. For minutes Komui and her friends argued with her. Then, to her absolute thrill, that beeping noise started up again.

One beep... Two beeps... Three... Four... Five... More and more. Faster and faster. She removed her hands from her ears and gazed at the room Allen was supposed to be in.

"Doctor! Doctor, he's alive!"

* * *

**Please review. I hope the first chapter was good. I think, personally, it will get better, but that could be just me. So... yeah. I hope you keep reading. **


	2. Aftermath

**- Jaded Iris -**

**-o0o-**

**- Chapter 2 -**

**-o0o-**

**- Aftermath -**

* * *

Lenalee squeezed her legs as she watched Allen's chest gradually rise, then tardily fall back down. His eyes were closed and a mask covered his mouth and nose. Lenalee thinks that's what was helping Allen breathe. A faint tint of red stained Allen's hair to show blood had been there. Gauze, medical tape, bandages, and band-aids were all over his body from what she could see, and Lenalee could see a lot since Allen had no shirt on. She thought about pulling the blanket up over him, but she had to see how bad it was on the exterior of his body. It was terrible. Bruise after bruise, cut after cut, it all covered his body and Allen has never once looked so broken to Lenalee before. It was heart wrenching, but nonetheless, Lenalee couldn't be happier for Allen.

_Allen is alive and that's what counts. He may struggle, but I'll help him. Lavi will too. So will Kanda's family. _Lenalee thought as she carefully yanked the blanket over Allen's practically lifeless and motionless body. She stopped when she saw him twitch, but eventually continued and studied his face. There was pain. Not much, but it was there. Even while he was in a coma he felt pain and Lenalee couldn't help but wonder how Allen will deal with this for the rest of his life. His heart may cause him many problems and the doctors told Cross and Komui that he had chances of heart attacks, heart failure, irregular heartbeats, and more. Lenalee was scared-scared she would lose Allen sooner than expected or wanted, and scared for Allen. It just wasn't fair.

And his arm. Oh, his missing arm. How will Allen deal with that? It'll be hard for him to adjust to that. Lenalee felt partially guilty for all this, which was totally unreasonable. It wasn't like she could have prevented this. Even if she told Allen to stay at the gas station she doubted he would wait.

"If it hurts you why do you look?" Kanda suddenly asked.

Lenalee glanced at the raven-haired male as he leaned against a wall, watching both Allen and Lenalee. Lenalee saw how worried and distraught Kanda was over this whole thing despite him trying to hide it. Lenalee didn't pursue that matter and watched Allen again, almost afraid that if she kept her eyes off him for too long he would disappear.

"I had to know. I had to see." Lenalee answered quietly, wiping a stray tear from her red and puffy eyes. "I heard Allen is the only one still alive from the accident. I knew someone should have gone with him. I knew he should not have driven by himself or drive at night. His vision isn't the best and the storm probably only made it worse on his eyes."

Kanda's hard eyes softened a little when he saw that forlorn, solemn, sorrowful look in Lenalee's lavender eyes. Three days have passed. Three days of worrying, three days of crying, three days of telling everyone close to Allen what happened. It was stunning, though, that Cross was still sitting in that same chair in the waiting room. He wouldn't see Allen for some reason despite wasting his time here with the rest of them. Lenalee being as kind as she was even gave him food and drinks from time to time before she came back into Allen's room.

"You were going to tell him when he got back, weren't you?" Kanda questioned.

"I was going to try, but now I..." Lenalee trailed off. She couldn't say the reason or think of it, but she knew one was there that wouldn't allow her to tell Allen just how she feels. Not yet, but she knew she would have to tell him soon. "I don't know how I could confess to him now. He's alive, but not awake. His condition... It's just so hard..."

"That nurse... Liza?" Kanda waited for Lenalee to affirm his guess and when she nodded, he went on. "Liza said that bastard-doctor from yesterday told her that the Moyashi is doing better."

"How?"

Kanda looked at Allen's pale skin that seemed more translucent than before. His lips were even lighter in color, nearly white. Though Kanda would never say this out loud, Allen has never looked weak and vulnerable before. He usually had a strong, encouraging demeanor that changed the people he met, including Kanda. So it irritated Kanda to no end to see Allen as weak as he was. For once, for this one time, he understood he would have no choice but to have patience. He would have to wait for Allen to be as strong as he was before. Kanda (and a few others) knew Allen was sensitive, more sensitive than one would think.

"His heart is beating at an almost normal pace now. That nurse will be coming in here soon to check on him. If he lives a few more days," Kanda said seriously, knowing better to be blunt and truthful with Lenalee now. "Then they should be able to take the ridiculous mask off his face and he could breathe on his own."

"That is good. Wonderful, so wonderful."

Kanda inwardly agreed. The nurse came in to check on Allen like Kanda said she would and she made sure his blood pressure was good, his heart was beating somewhat normally, changed his IV, and a few other things. She offered Lenalee a smile and Kanda when she noticed him, saying, "He's making a miraculous recovery. I won't lie to you, he may die, but he's healing."

A few more long hours passed. It was tormenting. Allen hardly moved. It was only his chest rising and the only sound that came from him was a very faint, barely audible breathing. Lavi was in and out of the hospital room. Kanda didn't like staying still-especially in the silence surrounding them-so he would pace around and get something to eat, but never left the hospital grounds. Lenalee remained seated at Allen's side. Most of the time they were alone because anyone who came was afraid to stay there with Allen in fear of him dying in the room with them. That, or they knew they didn't have a strong enough mind or will to come in and see Allen in his state. Not as long as he wasn't awake.

Lenalee saw something move from the corner of her eye and lifted her head to see Allen's fingers twitching. They were probably trying to move despite the cast on his hand because it was broken. Lenalee wondered if there were any other bones that had been broken or fractured and she figured there was. She remembered a person mentioning something about one of his ribs and collar-bone. Lenalee knew Allen was lucky in one way though-his spine wasn't damaged. He hadn't been paralyzed or close to it. Maybe, using that notion, Allen wasn't as crippled as she first thought.

Allen's fingers tapped the blanket underneath them, then they slid around until they found the metal rail on the side of his bed. Lenalee looked at his fingers as they seemed to inspect the area, trying to find something, and when realized what that could possibly mean, her eyes widened and she looked at Allen's face. His eyes and eyebrows were twitching, and soon, his eyelids fluttered open. He flinched from both the pain and the bright light above him. He stirred uncomfortably and Lenalee's breath got stuck in her throat. His mercury eyes held pain, uncertainty, and confusion. He looked lost and his eyes were glazed over. For a moment Lenalee thought he looked lifeless. Dead.

"Al-Allen?" Lenalee squeaked.

Allen shifted his head a little, bleakly blinking. When he found the girl who spoke his name he couldn't tell who she was right away. His vision was too blurry and his memory was a little fuzzy. His head hurt really bad. In fact, his entire body ached and for a second he forgot someone was there.

"Allen!" Lenalee repeated.

"Who...?" Allen asked, hand searching for the person. Lenalee grasped his arm gently, one hand holding his and his fingers curling over her hand loosely. She blinked back a few tears, but a stray drop fell on his cheek. She was sure he could hear her ragged breathing that was induced by her constant crying.

"Allen, it's me, Lenalee. Your best friend. I'm... I'm... so happy... You're..." Lenalee sniffled, unable to finish as she closed her eyes to help her regain some of her composure, but when she opened them she saw recognition drawn in his beautiful optics, a thin semi-smile on his lips, but that faltered. It trembled. She could tell it was somewhat strained. It was like he wanted to smile, but couldn't.

"Le-Lenalee?" he murmured.

"Yes, Allen. I'm here."

Allen's smile looked a little less strained. "Where am I?" Allen asked.

"You don't remember?"

Allen studied the room and a frown soon adorned his face. He gazed at Lenalee, hoping for help and that desperation laying in his features told her he didn't remember what happened.

"You were in an accident, Allen. You were coming back from your Summer Program and your car crashed." Lenalee said slowly.

"My Summer Program?" Allen repeated, blinking-Lenalee nodded. "And I crashed my car?"

Lenalee nodded again and squeezed Allen's hand, but when he winced she released his hand. It was then when he realized there was a cast on his hand and the IV in his arm. Leisurely he took everything in and Lenalee had to force him to lay down when he tried to get up. Panic was etched into his eyes, but Lenalee soothingly patted his head and caressed his cheek.

"It's okay, Allen. It's okay. Lavi, Kanda, even Cross is here. The nurses and doctors have taken great care of you. There's nothing to be afraid of." Lenalee coaxed softly.

Allen complied with Lenalee's wish for him to lay down and he listened to the noise of a machine beeping and something like an oxygen tank he's heard on TV before. He soon found out why and the panic returned. He knew it was a memory and maybe what he was experiencing right now, but there was a sharp pain in his chest and he just wanted to scream.

"Wha-why-what's-Lenalee, why do I have this mask on? And the-"

"Allen, calm down. Take a few deep, easy, _calm _breaths. I'll explain everything, but you need to promise me to stay calm." Lenalee said gently, looking deep into his eyes.

"... Okay."

Lenalee thoroughly explained Allen's medical condition and she could have sworn he was going to have a real panic attack right then and there. That worried her. With him so uneased and panicky she feared something bad would happen. She tried not to think about those details. Her heart nearly shattered when Allen almost cried. If she thought she had been scared, she was wrong. What she felt was nothing compared to what Allen must be feeling-Allen was definitely far more petrified.

"Allen? You're awake? Allen!" Lavi exclaimed, running into the room. He almost made the mistake to jump on the bed, but Kanda grabbed the back of his collar and slammed Lavi on the ground, giving his ass a rough landing on the floor. "Owwww. Dammit, Yuu, what the hell was that for!? Allen's awake and I was just going to... Ohhhh... Thanks."

Allen sighed. He wasn't able to remember much before his obvious car accident, but he knew it's been a long time since he's seen his friends. The circumstances weren't the best, but he was able to let his joy overcome his concern and fear. He watched Lavi carefully strut over to Allen's left side with Kanda and Allen didn't like the fact he had to look directly up at them. Unlike Lenalee they were standing and the light was hurting his eyes.

"Hey, buddy, how you doing? You feeling alright?" Lavi asked, voice low and filled with concern.

Allen offered a frail smile, but he eyed his left side. Lenalee explained everything. Even Allen's left arm. Severed, amputated, it didn't make a difference, his left arm was gone and he would never get it back. It was hard to process everything so quickly.

"Well, physically I feel like shit." Allen grumbled, closing his eyes.

Allen tried to sit up, but Lenalee wouldn't let him. He didn't have the energy to fight about it. Lavi laughed-go figure-and he gently patted Allen's head. The white-haired boy wasn't sure if he should be irritated or amused, so he went with both. He smiled, but the wavering glare slightly contradicted the meaning of his smile.

"I don't know what to say guys. I'm glad to see all of you, but this isn't exactly the ideal place or situation." Allen murmured.

HIs three friends stared at him for a long time. His voice was quieter than usual and softer. He spoke as fast as a sloth could run and he appeared to be far in space. With that big bruise on the left side of his head it was no wonder. He obviously hit his head pretty hard as well. It wouldn't be surprising if he had a concussion, but none of the doctors mentioned it.

"Say Allen, I know this isn't the most appreciated-er-ive question, but your arm... Do you think you'll be okay without it?" Lavi asked hesitantly.

Allen shifted his head so he was looking at what was left of his left arm. Allen never did like his left arm, so he was glad it was gone, but he never really want it to be gone-_gone_. He only wished for the appearance of it would have left-the deformity. Heh, guess people were right. You ought to be more careful with what you wish for, and a whole lot more specific.

"I'll be fine, Lavi." Allen muttered, but they could all hear the disappointment, sorrow, and uncertainty in his own tone. He was good at masking his emotions, but he seemed to be having a hard time since he woke up. That, or he wasn't trying to hide his pain or it could be the concussion Lavi's sure he has. To be perfectly truthful, Lavi thinks Allen doesn't realize just how deep in the water Allen really was.

"There's no need to be depressed over me. I'm alive." Allen commented.

"But not well." Kanda uttered.

Allen sent a small glare in Kanda's direction, but it didn't even anger Kanda or irritate him like it would normally do. It was just that weak. "Whatever. I'm sure you don't want to hear about the program. I don't think I could tell you all of it anyways. Why don't you guys tell me how your summer was? I'd like to hear all about it."

"It was just the same old, same old. Minus you Beansprout." Lavi replied.

"Please don't call me that."

"But Beansprout, I haven't been able to say it for a couple of weeks! And now that you're back I can say it all I want and get all those funny expressions from ya."

Allen rolled his eyes and Lenalee entered his line of visioin. She was holding his hand again and a strange smile was plastered on her face. It was between gratefulness and something else Allen couldn't place. Could she be angry? No, it wasn't that. It was sincere and almost loving.

Allen curled his fingers and he could feel Lenalee's warm skin beneath them. It was comforting. Plus the warmth made him feel so much better because his entire body was freezing. That was one bad thing about hospitals, they're air conditioning was just too good most of the time. That's why he appreciated Lenalee's warmth. If only he could remove the cast on his hand and actually hold her hand, but he didn't have an extra hand to do that.

"Allen, you look tired." Lenalee stated.

"Do I?" Allen chuckled softly, but there was no strength behind it. "I feel exhausted, but my head hurts. Hard to sleep with a headache."

Lenalee shook her head with slight amusement. Allen was trying to make her feel better. Shouldn't it have been the other way around?

"What about your chest? Does that hurt?" Lenalee asked.

"Not much, but the lighting is killing my eyes. Is it possible you could be an angel and turn it off or dim the lights?"

"Sure." Lenalee stood up and walked over to the light switch and eyed the four switches. She played around with them until she made sure the lights over Allen were off and that at least one switch was flipped up so there would be some light. "That better?"

"Much." Allen sighed in relief. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Lenalee sat down beside Allen again and he closed his eyes. "How long am I going to be in the hospital?"

"For as long as you need to." Lavi answered.

Allen opened his eyes, both orbs darting in Lavi's direction. The panic was back and Lavi put his hand on Allen's shoulder. He inhaled and exhaled while Allen fought a war against himself, debating whether or not to say what he wanted to.

"Allen, you'll be out of here before ya know it." Lavi told him.

"I want to leave now." Allen whispered.

"You can't! You're on life support! You know what that means, don't you?" Lenalee exclaimed.

"Please don't yell."

Lenalee covered her mouth, apologizing, but narrowing her eyes and leaning over Allen. She held a finger centimeters away from his chest, wanting so badly to jab her finger into his chest, but she wouldn't hurt him-even if it was just a little painful for him-and he merely looked at the wall, probably ignoring her as she said, "It means if you are taken off it you'll die! Allen, your heart has a hole in it. It's a miracle you're even alive right now. The doctor-"

"I hate hospitals. People die here all the time and I don't plan on dying here either." Allen said sharply and Lenalee froze.

_Does he understand what he's saying? _Lenalee thought.

"Allen, are you trying to tell me you want to leave... so you can die.. somewhere else?" Lenalee choked out.

Allen's eyes shot in her direction and he shook his head. His mouth hung open as he choked on his own words, trying to find something to say. Lenalee gripped the side of Allen's bed and Lavi leaned over, putting his other hand on Lenalee's shoulder.

"I didn't mean it like that. Lenalee, I'm so sorry it came across that way. Of course I don't want to die... I just... I'm... Mana died in a hospital." Allen said, sitting up with a groan and before Lenalee could push him back down, he grabbed her arm and gently pulled her forward. "Mana died in a hospital... He died after a car accident... On life support."

Lenalee inhaled his scent, embracing Allen. She didn't see it, but she could definitely feel Allen shaking. She never knew that, and she knew a lot about Allen, Mana had been in a car accident and it's likely Allen may have been with him.. She looked at Kanda and Lavi. The redhead shrugged and carefully hugged Allen, too, but Kanda scoffed and leaned on the wall, rolling his cobalt eyes in disgust at their foolishness.

"You'll be out soon, Allen, I promise." Lenalee whispered.

* * *

Allen opened his eyes when he heard light footsteps. He scanned the room and smiled when he saw a familiar face, but one he hasn't seen in awhile. She nervously entered, expressions repeatedly morphing into something else-worry, joy, happiness, skittish, unnerved. She held a big bag at her side and Allen found a small metal key hanging around her neck. He noticed she looked a lot better from last time he's seen her and she wasn't wearing that black dress anymore and her hair was no longer up. She looked so much prettier now.

"Miranda."

"Hel-hello All-e-en. Ma-may I come in?" Miranda asked, nervously pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Of course, Miranda. I'd appreciate your company." Allen said.

Miranda nearly fell many times as she walked over the shiny white tiles and over to Allen's bedside. She pulled one of the chairs up to his bed and sat down, gulping as she placed the tan bag on the ground. She inspected Allen sadly, yet calmly. His left arm was missing, several bruises and cuts were etched into his skin. Many bandages covered his body. His right hand was in a cast and his fingers would often tap the bed. She could see he had no shirt on under the blanket and knew he had to be freezing. She was wearing a dark blue long-sleeved shirt and she was cold herself. Also-and she found this part cute-she could see several of his toes sticking out from under the blanket. It wasn't that the blanket was short. No, it's just that most of the blanket was covering his upper body. She couldn't help but notice the nasal oxygen tubes Allen was wearing and the IV in his arm. Then there was a small object on his fingertip that connected to a heart rate monitor. Despite how bad Allen's situation appeared, the boy was smiling at her.

"Ar-are you ok-okay, Allen?" Miranda asked.

"Yes, yes. I'll be fine. It's been about a week now... I think. Uh, Miranda, what's the date?"

Miranda fiddled with her key, her eyes traveling upwards as she thought about it. "It's August 10th. Oh, and I have something for you!"

Miranda rummaged through her bag and Allen tried looking in it, but he couldn't move around a lot without making his body hurt tremendously. He hoped that problem will be gone soon. Damn car crash. Why did he have to get caught up in it? He can't even remember that night! He didn't even know if he had caused it or someone else or the storm. Maybe a bit of all three? Probably. At least, that's what his gut was telling him.

When Miranda found what she was searching for she sat up straight and held out an adorable stuffed elephant. It was tanish-brown and there were spots with a dark orange in areas like the inside of its ears, the chest, and the tip of the tail. It had eyes as dark as night with a blue coloring in them. It may be an elephant, but it really was cute. Allen tried to use his left arm to grab it, but when no arm moved he remembered it was gone. He then used his right arm to grab it and since he couldn't grip it, he dropped it. He sent an apologetic look in Miranda's direction and she picked it up.

"I'm sorry, Miranda. I can't exactly take it." Allen mumbled.

Miranda nodded in understandment and hugged the elephant. Allen eyed it, his smile faltering a little. "It's a wonderful choice, Miranda. I love it. You can just put it on the bed if you want."

Miranda nervously leaned forward and set the elephant beside Allen's stub-or what's left of his left arm-and she averted her eyes in another direction so she wouldn't stare at it. She didn't want to upset or offend Allen, but it was weird and nothing would change that. She knew she shouldn't because Allen wouldn't like it, but she felt sorry for Allen, she pitied him.

Allen tapped the bed again. It was the only part of his body he could move (or was allowed to) and it made him feel better. Thoughts aimlessly wandered around as he tried to think of what to talk about. He wanted to keep the subject far away from him and he also wanted to keep Miranda calm. That was the hard part and he knew of only one thing that would allow the smoothness in their conversation.

"How's your grandfather clock, Miranda? Still working perfectly and it is clean?" Allen asked.

"Oh, yes. It's working wonderfully and I clean it everyday. Twice if I have the time. Every hour it chimes harmoniously." Miranda said, eyes gleaming.

"That's nice."

Miranda studied Allen again. Though he smiled there was pain in his features. She squeezed her hands together, biting the inside of her lips. If she asked about it she knew Allen wouldn't like it. Lenalee even told her on the phone not to ask him about feeling alright. Apparently he got a little depressed or frustrated by it. She also heard that Allen has been trying to-subtly-talk his way out of staying at the hospital anymore. Miranda may not be good at... just about anything and everything, but she could tell Allen was not in the best or an okay or alright state. If he spent more than an hour out of the hospital something might happen and he'll be right back here... There was also the chance he could die.

"How long are you going to be here Miranda?" Allen inquired.

"I can stay the rest of the da-wait, am I bothering you? I-I could le-leave if yo-you want! I can! I-I should, shouldn't I? Oh, I'm-"

"Miranda," Allen interjected ever-so quietly. His voice was so frail and weak it reminded her of broken glass or a dying speaker or a sad scene... and the car wreck. She saw the news about it, but she had no idea Allen was in it. Miranda's spirit shattered completely and she requested-in a pathetic plea-that she come see Allen immediately. She could see his pain in his glazed orbs. Miranda wished she could be useful for once and ease away all the pain he felt. "Miranda, will you please stay here with me?"

Miranda was shocked by the question, but she had to remember, this was Allen. He was such a sweet and honest boy. Being the gentleman he was, Allen would naturally try to make Miranda feel better even if that meant he suffered. It's been awhile now and she knows what Allen thinks of her. Her being there doesn't bother the boy. He appreciates her company and enjoys it. He's made that very clear. Staying with Miranda never made him suffer. He was more humored and delighted than irritated. So she rested her hands on the bed and pulled her chair closer, smiling, though a little shyly, as she nodded. Allen's eyes drooped, but his own smile became more sincere and as he drifted off into a blissful slumber away from his pain, he looked so serene.

Miranda's eyes wandered to Allen's left side, where his missing appendage should have been. Gaze softening, she let a stray tear fall now that Allen was asleep. Miranda promised herself that she'd be strong through this-for Allen. He's thought of her as a friend and now it was time for her to act like one. If she were to cry she would cry when Allen couldn't see. That-that was her oath.

* * *

Lenalee brushed her hair with her fingers as she thought about Allen and the last few days. He's been awake, but quiet. Almost speechless. Then it's finally dawned her after all these years that Allen was afraid of hospitals. He had a phobia, but he knew when to put something important first than what he wanted. It's always been like that, she thought. It didn't count if it was unimportant or not, it always came before him when it came to Allen. But this time it was an absolutely different story and one she was proud to let slide by. _He isn't the only one that wants him out of the hospital. I do, too. I want our lives to go back to the way it was... but that's impossible now._

Lenalee shook her head. It may never go back to normal-not completely-but Allen was still there and she will be with him to help him through it all. That's what friends were for, right?

"When do you think Allen will be released from the hospital?" Lenalee absentmindingly questioned.

Lavi stopped eating his fries and watched Lenalee fiddle with her fingernails now. He wondered if she's even left the hospital since Allen's accident. Komui comes and goes because he has things to do and a bed to sleep in, but Lavi wouldn't doubt Komui letting her stay here for a while so Allen always had company. She may have changed clothes, but Komui could easily drop some off for her and take home her dirty clothes. Out of all of Allen's friends, Lenalee was defintely taking it the hardest and Lavi knew why. Just about everyone knew. Except the oblivious Allen.

"I'm sure he'll be out soon, Lenalee." Lavi answered.

"He might in for another month." Bookman remarked as if to purposely contradict Lavi's encouragement and make her feel bad.

"A month?" Daisya repeated.

"I was able to access Allen's medical charts. By what I've seen and read, Allen would be lucky to leave in a month. Even if he does leave it wouldn't be safe for him to go anywhere but his bed, and it's unpredictable about how that could end with Cross there." Bookman explained.

"So how bad is it then, Gramps?"

Bookman contemplated over the words and Allen's charts. It was hard to say just how bad it was, or specifically, how bad it could be. "Well, the hole in his heart is what is the most irksome and his highest concern. According to what I've heard, Allen died and came back to life about a minute later. His body had shut down entirely and that means his body may not function properly-the second highest concern. For example, his heart can just stop, start beating erratically, or bleed and Allen may never know it. If his body doesn't function properly then that would lead to many problems. It's possible his body could shut down again and if he's not in the hospital he may not 'restart' again."

"I shouldn't have asked." Lavi sighed.

"Allen will be fine. He's strong and he'll pull through. Allen won't give up and we all know that. So long as he isn't deterred from his determination to thrive then Allen will be fine." Lenalee exclaimed, more for her own comfort than to convince Bookman Allen will be fine.

Komui rubbed her shoulder. She hardly acknowledged it and went back to eating her lunch. Allen insisted she get out of the room and go eat. Actually, he had insisted she leave the hospital for a little bit, but Lenalee couldn't bring herself to do it. The furthest she'd go is the hospital cafeteria and that was still too far. She wanted to be by his side until she knew he was safe and in the clearing, until she knew Allen could be alone without issues.

"But there's one thing Allen has lost and he won't like it one bit, I fear." Tiedoll added.

"And that would be?" Daisya persisted.

"His independence." Kanda muttered.

"That's right. Allen is a very independent person, but with the lack of an arm, he'll have a few difficulties." Tiedoll affirmed.

"And we are going to let Allen go back home with Cross when he leaves?" Lavi inquired loudly.

"I'll take care of him." Lenalee whispered.

Everyone looked at Lenalee. Sympathy rested in their eyes and no one bothered to argue. Lenalee was never going to let Allen stay by himself or in the complete care of Cross and only Cross. She was going to take care of Allen and she would do whatever it takes to make sure Allen lives on. It was extremely obvious that Lenalee and Allen have a close bond. It was also obvious what Lenalee feels for Allen. That fact only made it clear how badly she was suffering.

Lenalee pushed her chair back and stood up. Lavi knew what she was going to say before a word escaped her mouth and he stood up, placing a hand on her shoulder and grinning. She watched him with mixed emotions, but slowly smiled.

"I'm going to go back to Allen's room and check on him." Lenalee said.

"I'm going with her. Anyone else coming?" Lavi added.

"I'll tag along." Komui mumbled, following both of them.

Lenalee rubbed her elbows the entire trip to Allen's room and Lavi watched her with concern. Komui remained silent, but a million thoughts raced through his mind. This would be the first time he's seen Allen since his accident and he was kinda nervous. As they approached the room they could hear several machines running. Lenalee's pace quickened. She was the first to arrive and the first to tell Allen was sleeping because of the slow motion his chest made-rising up and gradually falling.

"Miranda, I didn't know you were coming today." Lenalee said quietly, walking over to Allen's bed and gently putting her hand on Allen's.

"O-Oh, so-sorry, Lenalee. I coul-couldn't wait until tom-morrow." Miranda said.

"It's alright. I'm sure Allen was happy to see you."

Lavi studied Miranda. He's never actually met her before, but he's heard a lot about her from Allen and occasionally Lenalee. They were like personal therapists for her. Miranda Lotto-Edo's well-known pessimist and gloom was supposed to be contagious around her. Lavi couldn't agree with her infamous reputation. She didn't look too depressed and she was actually very pretty. Despite the circumstances she had a small hint of peace and happiness, and a small smile. Lavi didn't feel gloomy or depressed either, well, maybe a little, but it didn't come from her. He didn't miss the almost incoherent speech Miranda had during her conversation with Lenalee. She even seemed to brighten Lenalee's mood a little, which was more than what he could say about Lavi and Kanda tries to do so.

Lavi noticed the elephant beside Allen and he assumed it was a gift from Miranda, a way to make Allen a little happier and a way to distract him. Lavi could only imagine all the pain Allen must be feeling and he wasn't telling anyone about it. Allen had too much pride and he was far too stubborn sometimes.

"Hey, Miranda, where'd you get that elephant?" Lavi asked.

"Oh, tha-that?" Miranda muttered, blushing. "I made it myself, uh...?"

"Lavi Bookman at your service." Lavi bowed for effect.

Miranda giggled, offering her hand a little shyly, bu Lavi took it and shook her hand with a big grin.

"It seems you two get along."

Lavi and Miranda looked at Allen as his eyes opened halfway. He yawned, showing he was still tired and his nap wasn't long enough.

Allen tried sitting up, but pain coursed through his body and Lenalee carefully pushed him back down. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped her hand tightly. "Lenalee, please, I need to sit up." Allen hissed, eyeing her. "Please help me sit up."

Lenalee sighed. It was hard to tell Allen no. He probably wouldn't listen and only cause himself more agony, so she helped him sit up and he groaned. Komui watched silently, noting that Allen felt so much pain, but he wouldn't say anything about it.

"Allen, be careful. You shouldn't strain yourself." Komui said.

"I'll be fine. Lavi, come here for a moment." Allen whispered, gazing at Lavi as he came closer. He leaned down some so he was eye-to-eye with Allen and he widened his grin, but was shocked when Allen wrapped his one arm around his neck and settled his chin on Lavi's shoulder.

"Happy Birthday, Lavi. I'm sorry I wasn't able to get you anything, but I promise I'll make up for it when I get out of here." Allen uttered, snuggling closer to his friend.

Lavi patted Allen's head and very carefully hugged Allen's small body, being sure to avoid his IV and other wires.

"I don't care if I have a present. My little brother is still alive and that makes me feels lucky." Lavi remarked, burying his head in Allen's neck. "Don't scare me like that ever again Moyashi, got it?"

"Promise." Allen said softly. "But I'm still going to make up for it."

Lavi laughed, ruffling Allen's hair again and leaning back to get a good look at the brightest expression he's seen from Allen in awhile. "Just keep it away from anything pink-bunnies related."

"I don't think you said that right, but it's a deal."

Allen laid back down and he sighed in content. For once his hospital bed felt comfy, but the pain was torturing his body. That hug was worth it. That was the least he could do for Lavi. He wished he could do more, but that'll have to wait. However, Lenalee noticed the severe pain he was experiencing and she pulled a small stick with a wire at the bottom out from under the blankets and Allen eyed her as she placed it in his hand.

"Push the button Allen. You're in a lot of pain. That's why they gave you this." Lenalee said.

"No, Lenalee. I'm fine. I don't need anymore drugs." Allen retorted stubbornly.

Lenalee sighed, wrapping her hands around his. "It isn't a bad drug."

"It's full of steroids."

"To help ease the pain." Lavi interjected.

"I'm not going to... press... Lenalee... I said... n-n-nnnno." Allen trailed off as Lenalee forced Allen's finger down, pressing the button and making the strong pain reliever enter his body. His eyes drooped and his speech slur as he most likely lectured Lenalee until he fell asleep because of the strength of his medicine.

"It's for your own good, Allen." Lavi muttered.


	3. A Hand To Hold

**Jaded Iris **

**-o0o-**

**- Chapter 3 -**

**-o0o-**

**- A Hand To Hold -**

* * *

The first thing Allen noticed when he stood up was the difference with the weight. That weight difference wasn't in his body in pure general, nor was it the pressure he felt pushing him down. It was his arm. With the left arm gone he felt like the right side was slowly pulling him down. Awkward and simple, but he knew he would eventually get used to it. The question was... Does he want to get used to it? He felt he was afraid to know, to have another change. Allen just didn't want to adapt to it, but in the back of his mind, he did yearn for the idea-to adjust to it. It was an odd comparison, but he could feel his situation oddly relevant to _The Headless Horseman_, but instead of being a horseman and headless, Allen was One-Armed Clown. Well, that's what he imagined what they'll call him. Everyone always thought him to be a clown. He was hoping that they would call him a One-Armed Clown, because he knew it could get much worse. So he tried not to think about it.

Taking a step forward, he felt many muscles in his legs and thigh strain and stretch. It was a very dull sort of pain that you'd feel after getting sick and laying down in bed all day or maybe a few days, but it was much more than that. Allen hadn't been allowed to get out of his bed for about a month and he already missed a good deal of school, but he had Lenalee coming over with he school work. They would converse and read or study together. It was like the only thing he rejoiced about in his life right now! Isn't that sad? Well, the hospital food was free and not half bad. Still, after being released today, Allen wanted nothing more than to sink his teeth into real food and wallow in his sugary sweets. He still wasn't allowed to start school until next week, but that's because he was getting out of the hospital on a Friday. He wished it had been Sunday so he could go tomorrow, but something tells him being enrolled in school may not be that easy right now. He was praying to _something_ that he could stay in the same school.

Taking fastidious steps, Allen wearily walked away from the hospital bed, using that object as support. Reaching the foot of the bed, Allen released the bed, steadying himself, before taking full-stride steps toward the door. He could leave. He was allowed to _leave_. He signed whatever he was allowed to. Cross was apparently here earlier and signed the release forms and gave them permission to let Allen go. Thank God! Everything had already been prepared. The doctors, the medications, stuff he would have to carry around constantly, when he would have to check up with his doctor, if certain symptoms become known then Allen is to return to the hospital immediately. So on, so forth.

"Whoa, Allen, slow down. You're like, uh, ready to fall over." Lavi said, meeting Allen just outside the door.

Allen smiled weakly. "I really want to get out of here, Lavi. If I have to spend another minute here I will scream."

"Okay, buddy. I understand, but don't push yourself. You've hardly walked since you've been admitted." Said Lavi, ruffling Allen's hair with a laugh. "Come on, don't worry. I'm driving you to Lenalee's, then Yuu will be taking you home. You get to sleep in your own bed tonight!"

"Wonderful!" Allen exclaimed.

"So, uh, are you alright with... riding in a vehicle?" Lavi questioned, nervous.

"I'll be fine. I trust you. Besides, the whole reason for that car accident was... er... I think the nurse said I crashed because of the road was so sleek."

"Thanks man, I appreciate your trust."

Gradually they got closer to the exit, and when they got outside, the cool autumn air welcomed Allen. It was chilly, cold enough for a sweater, but Allen didn't put one on. He just wanted to get out of here, then go see his friends. _Outside _the hospital. Allen embraced the fulfilling comfort of the autumn breeze, the sweet scent of wind and maple and oak trees nearby. It wasn't nearly as bright as inside the outside with all his white and light blue colors and so his eyes adjusted to the somewhat darker area. He could hear leaves crinkling and the trees tap each other.

"Allen, you ready?" Lavi asked.

The white-haired boy smiled, resisting the urge to holler and run around like a child. He let Lavi guide him to his dark green truck. It was high above the ground though. So Allen struggled to get in the passenger side when he had only one hand to grip the door. He would usually have his other hand hold onto dashboard (if possible) or the seat. This time Lavi had to give him a gentle shove. "Thanks, Lavi."

"Anytime pal." Lavi closed the door and hurried over to the driver seat.

Allen felt this tinge of fear dwelling in his chest, but it was minor. It was like... the same kinda fear you felt when you forgot to do your important homework and you're afraid to get busted by your teacher. So it wasn't that bad. Allen could handle that. With a little more difficult, Allen tries buckling up, which was hard when you didn't have a second hand to hold the buckle in place. It took a few minutes of useless trying and Lavi finally stepped into the scene, buckling the belt for Allen with a small smile. Allen blinked, staring the buckle as the truck began moving. After some time, he looked straight ahead, vacantly. His hand clenched his pants and he gritted his teeth, hoping Lavi wouldn't notice. If he did, he never said anything to Allen about it. That made Allen happy, because he didn't want to talk about it.

Once they arrived, Allen easily unbuckled and moved the seatbelt out of his way, opening the door. Cautiously and a little skittish, Allen stepped down on the truck's foot step, backwards since he had to use his right arm to grab the door. He let his other foot get a nice landing on the step, then he carefully let his feet hit the ground, sighing in relief when he managed to do this on his own. Closing the truck door, he walked around the front and eyed the old dirty white house that was in desperate need for a paint job. A medal fence lined the front of the yard and connected to wooden fences that were just as tall as Allen and they travelled down the side of the yard. There were many trees along the sidewalk and near the road, but the same went for the house's yard in front of them. You had to be careful when you walked through the entrée way to the yard because the branches might poke your eye out. The trees stood tall and blocked people's view of the house , Allen didn't care about these details. This place was close enough to his home. He's been here so many times for so long. This was Lenalee's house.

Lavi and Allen walked on the porch. Lavi opened the screen door and Allen knocked four times on the hardwood door with one rectangular window before he opened the door himself. It was a habit. It started out as a teasing game when he was 12 and Lenalee was 13. They got into an argument about entering the other's houses without warning and so they made up a little sign for each other. It was just a game at first, but it stuck on him. He couldn't open the door without knocking four times.

"Allen!"

He was immediately greeted by Lenalee when he entered. She ran in the room, smiling beautifully and Allen returned the smile effortlessly. With haste, Lenalee came forward, examining Allen from head to toe and back to his head. Both of them were overwhelmed with many emotions to see each other right now.

For Lenalee she was proud of Allen to see him come to her home, pleased to hear those four knocks, and to see him standing in front of her. He wasn't lying down in a bed with IV's or wire poking him. He didn't look half dead! He was smiling and wide awake. His skin was back to the average pale skin he usually bears and his eyes were shining brighter than the stars once again. They weren't dimmed with agony. It seemed to her that when he was at the hospital he was basically dead because you hardly received anything from him. He didn't even eat much. Now-now that would change. Allen was alive. Allen was standing in front of her. He was here with her, in her house. Rejoicing was the only thing she could do.

As for Allen, he could easily relate. One thing was for certain, he was proud of himself to be able to walk around and that he was able to get out of the hospital. He was happy to be at a place he knows well and loves very much, surrounded by people he cared about and the people who had been there for him in his darkest hour last month. What made him extremely happy was to see that smile finally reach Lenalee's eyes. A month she's been offering weak, fragile smiles that were strained and meant to make Allen feel better, but they weren't real and he could tell. That hurt knowing she was forcing a smile. It was hurting him knowing he was hurting her. And, man, she was beautiful! She could be a model. Heh, that'd only make Komui's overprotectiveness worse though. But she should seriously consider it. Besides, Allen would gladly support her and go around with her if she wanted. It wasn't like he ever had much to do with his own life. He had wanted to play music and you can't do much with a piano with five fingers and one hand. Now he had to figure out what else he could do.

"Allen... Oh, Allen!" Lenalee exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Allen's neck, holding him close. "You're alive! You're here! Oh, Allen."

Allen smiled sincerely, burying his face in Lenalee's hair. He could smell her shampoo, showing she had taken a shower only hours ago. He rubbed soothing strokes on her back. "Lenalee... you've known for a month that I was alive. Please don't say something like that, okay?"

"Ri-right. I'm sorry, I'm just so happy to see you." Lenalee whispered, tightening her lock on him. "I... I'm just so..."

"Happy." Allen finished, stroking her hair, moving his hand from her head to her lower back before wrapping his arm around her waist completely to return her hug. "Me, too."

Lavi grinned, leaning his head to the side and waiting to get Lenalee's attention. When she noticed him, he winked, or tried to, and mouthed, 'Tell him!', but she merely blushed, hiding her face in Allen's shoulder. Lavi sighed, eyeing the doorway Lenalee came through. It led to the kitchen and to the back door. Everyone was supposed to be out back waiting for Allen They were having a celebration to welcome Allen back! It was a big party and they were going to have a lot of food. They had to with Allen there after all.

"Come on, Allen! We have something to show you." Lavi said, pointing to the exit. "Enough with the lovey dovey scene and onwards! So Komui don't kill all us men, comprende?"

Allen and Lenalee blushed a little, pulling away from each other, but staying very close. Lavi rolled his eye, gently pushing Allen toward the back door and through the kitchen. Allen's smile broadened and he almost drooled as he looked at the pot on the oven, gasping. "Are you making your stir fry chicken and pork with honeyed rolls?" he asked.

"WIth my super special gravy and sweet candied carrots. Everything homemade, of course!" Lenalee affirmed.

"Yes! When will it be done?!" Allen asked, reminding Lavi of a begging dog at the dinner table. "I mean... Will it be done..? Soon?"

"Yes, soon. You don't get any samples either! last time that happened you nearly ate everyone's portion and we had to order take-out! And you still ate most of that too!"

"... But... it's _food_. It's delicious! Especially your cooking. Plus I can't help it if I love Italian food. It's amazing."

"It's _expensive_."

"I know, that's why I come here." Allen beamed, gripping the door handle. "You have the best cooking."

"Aww, thanks Allen, but you're overexaggerating."

"Not at all!"

Lenalee shook her head in disagreement, but Allen shook his head in return, opening the door, stepping out onto the back patio. At once, a loud cheer erupted, making Allen jump and look ahead. "WELCOME BACK ALLEN!"

Streamers were slovenly put up, connected from one tree to another and to the porch. Lights hung in the air, proving they were going to be here for a long time tonight. Everywhere he looked there was either the people he loved or food and beverages. Confetti was thrown on the porch and Allen laughed as something put some in his head, then Lavi wrapped his arm around Allen's neck, giving him a noogie. Allen laughed still, trying to shove Lavi away with tears of joy in his eyes. He continued to survey the area-balloons scattered everywhere, tables and chairs, more lights above their heads all over (on the porch and in the yard), and so much more, but his eyes were fixated on the _real food_.

"Tha-thanks everyone! I-I... don't know... what to say."

"Don't cry." Kanda grumbled, gently elbowing Allen since he was still stuck in Lavi's headlock. "I'll leave if you do smalls."

"Oh, shut up, Kanda!" Allen yelled, punching Kanda's shoulder playfully. "You guys didn't have to go through so much trouble for me."

"Yeah right, dude! We had this planned for your arrival! So this is like a double welcome back party. You're out of the hospital, alive and well, walking and smiling, still short and stupid for a nerd, and you're back home after being gone for like, what? Three months! We missed ya all summer! It wasn't fun!" Lavi whined.

"_Right_. I missed you too." Allen muttered, finally escaping Lavi's headlock and bumping into Miranda. "Sorry!"

"That's al-alright." Miranda whispered. "It's great to see you out of the hospital, Allen. You look so much better."

"Thanks, Miranda! It's nice to see you again."

Allen studied the tables, searching for something had he clutched his growling stomach with a deep crimson blush. That earned a roar of laughter. "Typical Allen!"

"It figures you're hungry." he heard Kanda muttered.

"Don't worry, Jerry and Lenalee prepared enough food for a thousand kings and queens." Komui said, patting Allen's shoulder.

"Fantastic!" Allen whispered, eyes gazing over the tables. "In that case, I'm going to go get me some pie!" And off Allen went, running to the closest table with pumpkin, apple, blueberry, and lemon meringue pie. "I love you guys!"

"It feels like nothing had ever happened." Komui whispered.

"I wish I could say that." Lenalee murmured, walking off the porch. "I wish I could, but I can't."

Lenalee sat down at a table, watching Allen intently as he dug into a hot pumpkin pie and he spread whip cream all over it. Satisfied with the amount of sugary cream, Allen took a big fork and dug right into the pie, scooping it up and taking a bite. She laughed when the whip cream glued itself to his nose and cheeks. He still had confetti in his hair, too, so he looked like a clown. He's jsut missing the red nose. Maybe they could just stick a cherry on top of his head? Nah, he'd probably eat that as well. Still, Allen continued to eat the pie continuously, occasionally bothering with licking the cream off his face. It wasn't long until six pies were missing from the table and Reever pushed Allen away toward the other tables. Allen pouted, still holding the can of whip cream. Even so, he dashed to a table with chips and hamburgers and hot dogs. There was even a platter of barbeque steaks! He grabbed a plate... or four and filled it high with everything. He scanned the area, trying to find somewhere to sit and his white grin widened when he saw Lenalee. He scurried over quickly and sat down beside her.

Lenalee couldn't resist laughing. Allen looked at her, clueless as ever. "What?"

"You're a _mess_!" Lenalee stated, fishing out the colorful confetti dots and stripes out of his white hair.

"Well, that wasn't my fault there." Allen muttered, eating a salt 'n vinegar chip after saucing it with some chip dip.

Lenalee leaned forward, taking her index finder and wiping off a large amount of whip cream and sticking it in her mouth with a smile. Allen stared at her, chuckling. "Okay, that there was my fault."

"I know. I saw you overuse the can of whip cream."

Allen took a napkin and cleaned his face. It was still going to be sticky, but he'll take care of that later. Right now he was intent on staring at Lenalee as she teased him about being an unusually messy eater tonight. He couldn't help it. He's _starving_! "Do I still have some on my face?" he asked.

Lenalee rolled her eyes, picking up a napkin and scooting closer to Allen. She wiped the whip cream off his nose and the left cheek, folding the paper, then cleaning his chin and the corner of his mouth. "You look like you tried shaving... and you did a terrible job applying the shaving cream. By the way, I wouldn't eat that. Shaving cream isn't meant to be eaten."

"Oh, funny, funny. Hardy har har. That was _hilarious_." Allen mumbled sarcastically, wincing as Lenalee scrubbed his face with the napkin really hard. "Hey, watch it!"

"I'm only trying to make you look like a human being, not the abominable snowman."

"Oh, that one was rich!" Allen muttered, playfully pinching her shoulder.

"Ow! What was that for?" Lenalee rubbed her shoulder, pointing her finger at him. "Don't be bitter! I'll make sure you'll be the last to eat the stir fry pork and chicken tonight if you keep that up."

"_What_?" Allen's eyes widen and his jaw dropped. "That's unfair!"

"That's life. Get used to it."

Allen pressed his lips together tightly, narrowing his eyes. The first sign of his pouting session. Truly, Allen was still a child, but that's why Lenalee loved him so much. He was mature and at the same time, he could be childish. It was cute. Really, really cute.

Lenalee put the napkin down on the table, patting Allen's head. "That wasn't bad, now was it?"

"It kept me from eating my food."

"Oh, stuff it."

"That's what I was _trying to do_." Allen retorted, taking a bite of is cheeseburger. "So how's school been?"

"You know..."

Allen blinked, tilting his head to the side. "Frankly I don't. We only talked about the lessons, not about _school_. I mean, you sit with Lavi and Kanda at lunch, right?"

"Yeah... But it's been... It's not the same without you there, Allen. Kanda and Lavi haven't been arguing as much since you were... since your accident. That's not a good sign. So... we're stoked to see you up and walking. I was really worried... that while I was in school you would... something would... I thought something was going to happen. I was so afraid we were going to..." Lenalee rubbed her eyes, trying so hard not to cry. She buried her head in her arms on the table, forcing down a few sobs. "I was so scared."

Allen stood up, then knelt beside Lenalee's chair. He didn't know what to say to comfort her this time. All he could do was put his hand on her back. He didn't want to see her cry, and trust him when he says he wanted to cry himself, but he had some dignity not to... Perhaps it wasn't that. It was his stupid pride and ignorance that kept him from crying. Maybe he was afraid to cry. He had been scared to death since his accident that something would happen and there were no words he could say that could comfort Lenalee, because he had none to comfort himself. Soothing words and nothingness isn't going to help in a situation like this. He knows. He's tried and others have too.

"Lenalee, I was scared." Allen murmured, laying his head against her arm. "I still am. But I can smile and move on because I have wonderful friends... I have the best family in the world. I can't pretend nothing happened. The scars are still there, my arm isn't coming back, and I'm not living a dream. It's all real. I fear what might happen to me. I fear another car accident. I fear dying and I fear losing you or Lavi or Kanda. You have your permit and you'll be getting your license soon. Lavi and Kanda both have a license, though Lavi is the only one with a car. I'm afraid to see or hear you guys have an accident like me. I was stupid. I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have left without someone with me!"

Lenalee stared at Allen. He was shaking, but he forced a smile. In his eyes there was pain and fear, but tenderness. He squeezed her hand. "I made a mistake and I won't make it again. I've paid the consequence and now I'll be more careful." he whispered.

"The accident wasn't your fault! It was the rain and some of the other drivers. It wasn't your fault." Lenalee told him, embracing him again. "It was not your fault."

"I wouldn't know... I can't remember it." Allen pressed his head against her neck.

"Nothing is gonna happen."

Allen put his hand against his chest, where he was impaled. Touching his chest, though, he felt a piece of his memory from that night flash in front of his eyes and the pain seared through that spot, making him whimper. "I'm scared."

"It's okay. You'll be fine, Allen. You're a strong guy. You can get through this and I will be right there with you like I always have. We'll all be here for you. You're not alone. So don't worry." Lenalee gentle caressed Allen's cheek, making him look at her. "We're all scared, but we have to believe the worst has passed. We will make sure you take care of yourself and we'll work through this together. Lavi is here for you. Kanda couldn't refuse you as you are. You know you're always welcomed here. I'm sure Cross is worried as well."

Allen scoffed "He didn't even visit me."

"No, he did. He sat outside your room the whole time." Lenalee corrected, sighing. "The worst has passed. It has. You've healed and though the scars remain, you are still here. The fear Allen, that's good. It's telling you that you _are alive_."

Allen nodded, gulping. "But... No, you're right. I'll get through this and I know I won't be alone." Allen stood up, pulling his chair closer and he sat back down. "I'd be stupid to think I'm alone after all this time."

Lenalee stared into Allen's eyes, her hand still on his cheek. Yes, there was fear, in both of their eyes, but there was also warmth and depth. There was life. She hadn't known up til now just how easily a life could be taken. Allen had died and he came back. She won't lose him again. Not until they're in their eighties or something. At the right time. Not now. Definitely not now. _He had lost his life, but for some reason he gained it back. For whatever reason this miracle happened, I'm glad it did. We all are..._

"Hey, Lenalee?" Allen said softly, leaning forward.

"Ye-yeah?"

Allen's grinned turned into one of mirth as his thumb brushed over her lips. "You're not supposed to be shaving on _your face_. You're a _girl_."

Lenalee blushed, not because of his joke, but because of his closeness. Thank God Komui wasn't paying attention. Then she gently punched Allen. He only laughed, eating the whip cream. "Girls get facial hair sometimes. There's a few girls that have sideburns because their hair grows a lot or some have hairs right above their lips and they have to pluck it. Others start growing a unibrow and they pluck those hairs too. Some are even unfortunate enough to have hairy arms or worse! Their stomach can get a little hairy. Sure it's smooth, but the hair is a little more noticable, cause we all know we have hair everywhere on our body, but there are some family genes that-"

"Are you saying your stomach is slightly hairy, just enough to see the strands?" Allen mumbled, gazing at her belly.

"N-no! I'm just saying the facts! I wasn't saying... Oh... Be quiet." Lenalee felt really warm.

Allen leaned forward again, studying Lenalee's face. "Yeah, your have some evident hair between both your brows and you are starting to grow a woman mustache. You need to borrow some tweezers?"

"Are you serious?" Lenalee asked, burying her face in her hands. "I knew I had to pluck my eyebrows and I thought I got those hairs above my lips. Damn family genes! I had genetics!"

Allen patted her shoulder. "There, there, Lenalee." He kissed her hand, then leaned in close enough so his lips barely missed touching her ear. "I was joking, but it's nice to know about your genetics problem. But hey, none of us are perfect."

Lenalee's eyes widened, then slanted. She glared at Allen angrily, pinching his cheeks. "_Allen Walker_!" she hissed, smirking when he whined. "That is not _funny_! _You do not joke _about that to girls! If you even see something like that you don't even mention a damn thing!"

"Ow, ow, ow, ow! Lenalee, let go! I-I'm sor-rry! Ow. Ow. Ow. OW! Lenalee!" Allen whined, doing his best to make her let go, but she had an iron grip. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I won't do it again. I promise!"

Lenalee released Allen's sensitive cheeks, letting his rub away the soreness with a firm frown. Maybe Komui was half right. It didn't feel like anything happened, but you knew what happened, yet you are moving on with all your might. But now she felt guilty! But he looked real cute with his cheeks all pink and he wasn't even blushing.

_The only problem now_, Lenalee thought, _is... How am I supposed to tell Allen I love him?_

* * *

**I'm sorry I haven't updated this story in a few weeks. I understand some might be worried or angry because of that, but don't worry, I will finish this story. I was just focusing on school and my other stories. Pure Colors is getting really in-depth and far, I'm trying to make sure i don't overdo things. But I promise to update this story as soon as possible. I just can't say when. It could be later on today or a week from now. But it will be updated. Promise.**

**I hope you all enjoyed this.**


	4. Inside Out : Rockin' And Rollin'

**- Jaded Iris -**

**-oOo-**

**- Chapter 4 -**

**-oOo-**

**- Inside Out : Rockin' And Rollin' -**

Thuds and muffled groans of aggravation sounded through the door along with some unknown muttering that quite darkly resonated. Lenalee knocked on the door, entering hesitantly, even after he barked a "Come in!" and Lenalee poked her head in. On the floor, Allen lay sprawled out with his arm tangled above his head (and stuck) by his white cotton shirt. He tried kicking it off, weirdly enough, with his feet, going as far as to gnaw on the fabric, growling like a dog with rope playing tug-a-war with master. Lenalee giggled, hurrying over to the boy. Realizing who entered his room, Allen stopped all motions, and blushed madly.

Lenalee knelt down beside him, helping him sit up first, till she noticed his _leg_ managed to tuck in the shirt. At least, she thought, Allen is extremely flexible for a boy.

"Do you need help, Allen?" Lenalee teased.

"Please?" Allen muttered bashfully, near tears in pure desperation to crawl out of his strangling position.

Lenalee carefully lifted the shirt a little, pulling his foot out from its horrid spot, then tackled the task of weaving Allen's arm out of the shirt. However, to do this, Lenalee had to pop his head in his shirt, which she did quite mercilessly, as if she were popping a huge pimple, earning a sort of farting sound Allen; losing all his oxygen while also having the air knocked out of him when he originally attempted to subconsciously groan, and his lips being forced to pucker together since he was being treated like slinky, made him make weird sounds.

After managing to strain a muscle, additionally getting three scratches and a bruise by Lenalee's ruthless hands and razor-nails, ripping his new shirt, all while stretching the garment into an oversized shirt that could fit for a dress, Allen eventually came out of his suffocating bind. Lenalee poked his cheek, worried she may have killed him when he didn't look to be breathing.

He drawled a sigh, pouting his lips. "I can't put a dumb shirt on anymore."

"Oh, you'll get used to it. Don't worry." Lenalee said encouragingly, offering a meek, humored smile. "But, uh, I think we need to get a different shirt for you."

"I just bought that shirt!" Allen snatched the garment from her, studying it angrily.

"I'll buy you a new one later, but we need to get to school." Lenalee told him, helping him to his feet, dabbing the inkling of blood on his cheek because of her fingernails.

"No,_ I_ ruined it. I'll buy myself a new."

She laughed as he glared at cotton, walking over to his dresser. He hadn't noticed she was rummaging through his drawers as he threw the shirt on floor and brutally stomped on it, thinking he might as well take his frustration out on it than the wall. He needn't break his hand or any of his five digits unless he really wanted to be in the deepest ditch in hell.

Lenalee pulled out a couple of shirts and pants randomly and messily thrown in Allen's drawers. She guessed he was struggling folding them now like everything else, so she thought nothing of it. That is until a few of his underwear fell on the carpet and she instinctively picked them up to put them back, all too used to touching boy's drawers because Komui didn't do the laundry as much as he should, but she stifled a giggle when she saw a few markings drawn on them. Safe to say, after studying them, that Lavi and possibly Kanda got a hold of his clothes once. Oh, it wasn't _that_ obvious. After all, it was nothing more than permanent markers colored on white and gray and occasionally black boxers with random pictures like Dr. Seuss's characters - Cat In The Hat, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, Horton, Thing 1 and Thing 2 - and words like the classic KICK ME plastered on the backside and one pair had it on the front. Fascinated by the prank, Lenalee couldn't help looking at the other drawers and found one with Pringle's' logo, another with pots of gold, and another said 'No Apples Here...'

Allen caught her glimpsing through his clothes and hastily dashed over to her, grabbing his underwear away from her, blushing furiously as he just noticed half the things. Lenalee broke into a fit of laughter because of his ridiculous face.

"I can't believe they did that." Allen grumbled, holding the door open for Lenalee and he was still peachy. Not only did Lenalee see his underwear, she touched them and Lavi had to draw those preposterous images on there and those mocking words. Talk about embarrassing.

"It's not that bad." Lenalee patted his cheek, yet her eyes laughed.

He sighed. Well, other than Lenalee, he supposed it wasn't that bad because no one else will see them. Even so, he'll be going shopping for new ones and shirts easier to get in. Hell! Pants were the easiest thing to put on himself. Do you have any clue how impossible it is to tie shoes with one hand? Uh, nowise possible! Duh! Lenalee had to tie _his_ shoes for him because he couldn't.

* * *

"I talked to the Mister Bak and Fou about your issue," Lenalee said, brining him out of his mental ranting. "And you'll be sharing a locker with Kanda. They wouldn't let me share with you and Lavi's locker is a black hole. That leaves Kanda-"

"You've gone bonkers!" Allen exclaimed, gathering the attention of the scattered teenagers in the main hall of the school. He stood closer to Lenalee, trying to hide what's missing behind her back so not many will stare, but it was too late for that. _Everyone_ was looking, including numerous passing teachers.

"I can't share," he hissed in a lower voice, "a locker with _Kanda_."

"You're right." Allen narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I'll see if I can get Jasdevi-"

"Um, I was joking. Kanda and I are, like, uh... best... friends. So, er, never mind."

"Not very convincing, Allen."

"You can't be serious, Lenalee! Jasdevi? They'll steal my things and-bluntly, those two freak me out. I swear they're voodoo enchanters or whatever."

Lenalee smiled there, nudging Allen toward Kanda, who stood in front of his locker, taking out books. He saw the white-haired boy and glared at him as he waved nervously, whispering to Lenalee, "He looks angry today."

"Allen, Kanda _always_ looks angry."

"Yes, but today he is immensely pissed off."

"How do you get that?" Lenalee asked, arching a brow.

"There's fire behind him."

"What?" Lenalee looked, obviously not having paid any attention. Allen wasn't entirely lying. There was indeed fire behind him, but it was clearly fake. Art. On a moving billboard. Lavi and Froi Tiedoll, Kanda's adoptive father, were carrying it, stopping moments ago in just the right position to make it look like Kanda was on fire. Lenalee shook her head, thinking Lavi and Tiedoll did that on purpose, knowing them.

In the end, Allen pushed past his qualms, walking up to Kanda. No, he wasn't nervous. He just waited anxiously for what was to come. Yet Kanda never said anything as he pointed at the locker. It was obvious the shelf separated where their books and papers would go-Kanda had the shelf and above while Allen had below, where the locker was completely bare there. No even a shred of paper or candy wrappers. The latter was stupid, though, because everyone knew Kanda hated candy. Anything sweet he despised. It's a wonder he eats food that often have sugar in the ingredients from time to time or something else delicious.

Alert for anything from Kanda, Allen slid his bookbag onto the ground and sluggishly organized his books and binders and put a magnetic basket inside the locker, putting erasers, pens, pencils, and post-it note paper in it. Kanda stood behind him, no doubt making sure Allen didn't put anything he didn't like in their locker.

Gathering what few items he needed for the first half of the school day, Allen rose from his crouch, shutting the locker with his shoulder. "Thanks, Kanda."

"Don't mention it."

"Awww, see, he cares about you after all. Looks like-" Kanda elbowed Lavi hard in the gut, using too much strength against him, for poor Lavi doubled over in pain.

"_Don't. Mention. It._" Kanda fixated the most negative look at Allen. "Ever. Or I'll kill you beansprout."

"It's Allen, stupid!"

"Who the hell are you calling stupid, dumbass?" Kanda growled, standing up to his full height.

"The sloth in front of me!" Allen stretched his neck to heighten himself, glaring at him with equal fiery heat.

Lenalee rolled her eyes, pushing Kanda away from Allen and dragging Allen down the hall with her. The argument stayed subtle, and that's all she cared about at the moment, so she was proud of both of them for not shouting insults and threats at each other in the hall. No, they resorted to a simple glaring challenge.

The rest of the day wasn't all too simple or fortuitous. Allen struggled to travel from class to class without dropping his papers and books, nor could he open the door to his locker or class by himself without putting everything on the ground and he didn't always arrive early like he usually does. The school desks are normally smooth and flat, making it easy for his paper to move when he is trying to write and jot down notes or finish paperwork. Tech class became immensely difficult for someone with five fingers on just one hand; he found it uncomfortable shifting his fingers over the keyboard then to the mouse. It became annoying when he continued to misspell things or couldn't log in to his school account on one try. Also, when he had to flip through his textbook, his pencil would often find its way on the floor one way or another, causing him to bend over repeatedly to pick it up and now his side aches. Allen wasn't allowed to participate in PE sports, as most sports require your arms more than your legs and feet, and today there were playing baseball outside and tomorrow would be floor hockey. Allen attempted swinging the bat and felt crooked and strange, not to mention the bat slipped out of his grip and slammed into the back of Kanda's head.

As much as he disliked not being left out, Allen and Lavi kept laughing their asses off about that all day. At lunch he couldn't carry even half the portion of food he typically buys to his table with Lenalee, Lavi and Kanda. He could carry only one tray overstuffed with food and drinks. And this is only the tip of the iceberg. What bothered him the most is when his peers continually came up to him an apologized for his loss and in science class no one wanted to be his partner because of how difficult it would be to work with him, and for him to work, when he had only one arm. Thankfully, his teacher let him sit the experiment out if Allen was willing to read his science textbook until class ended by himself in the back.

Thank God he didn't have to ride the bus home. Lavi offered him a ride home in his red truck. This time he didn't help Allen buckle up, but it took a few minutes before Allen succeeded, and Allen was too glum to be proud about that. Instead, he leaned on the door, chin digging in his shoulder, as he gazed out the window solemnly. Earlier he had been excited about starting school again, thinking it would be a wonderful distraction from his dull, nothing-to-do, distraught life at home. What a disappointment.

"You okay, buddy?" Lavi asked quietly.

"I think I'm going to be homeschooled from now on, since I can't do cyber school without aggravations." Allen murmured, wishing there was a restart button somewhere for his life, at least the last few weeks.

Lavi choked on air and slammed on the brakes, and flashes of rain and lightning ran across his vision and when his body thrusted forward, involuntarily screaming as his body began to feel like it was being crushed; his chest surged with pain more than anywhere else and he could feel hot liquid flowing down the side of his head, and a tight squeeze on his heart sent not only a jolt of excruciating pain throughout his body but made him jump, then writhe in his seat.

Lavi unbuckled himself when the truck came to a screeching halt, automatically clambering closer to Allen as his body apparently went through a relapse of agony from the night of the crash, as it seemed the only logical explanation at the moment. His hands stopped right before they touched Allen, afraid to touch his friend, as though he may break or torture him even more. It isn't like he could shake him back into his sense. Lavi was starting to have a panic attack.

Then Allen silenced, his body absolutely stone-still. A few moments more and Lavi thought Allen died of a heart attack or something, because Allen was far _too_ still. There wasn't the sound of breathing, the movement of his chest seemed to stop, those beautiful eyes glaze over. Lavi told himself over and over to check Allen's pulse and call the ambulance immediately, yet his own body refused to move under his urgent intentions to possibly save his friend's life.

Tears flowed down Allen's face like a waterfall, showing he was still alive. Hastily, Allen unbuckled himself and climbed out of the truck, falling on the ground and scraping his knee. Lavi instinctively bolted out the truck and rushed to Allen's side.

"Allen! Ar-are you okay? I'm sorr-rry. I'm so, so sorry." Lavi gulped a lump in his throat, regaining his usually calm composure as he gently landed his hand on Allen's arm. "Allen?"

"I won't get back in." Allen whispered, eyes broadened in horror and Lavi felt Allen's tears drizzle persistently on his hand.

Lavi didn't blame him. But it never kept him from feeling uncontrollably guilty as he helped Allen to his feet and guided him to the bench on the sidewalk, then quickly parking his vehicle down the street and running back to him.

"Do I need to call the ambulance?" he inquired nervously, anxiously. "Your heart is beating erratically? You don't feel like you're bleeding anywhere when you obviously aren't? You-"

"I just want to go home." Allen said softly, clutching his chest.

The redhead clenched his fists. What an idiot he had been! Stopping the truck like that because he was surprised to hear Allen say such wicked thing when he's always loved school even if he hardly showed it. It was just... No matter how you look at it, Lavi was incredibly foolish to slam down the brakes, knowing all too well Allen's new trauma with vehicles that has yet to heal since it was recent.

"Then let's start walking. Your house is just a few blocks away."

* * *

Lenalee banged the door open and hurled herself in Allen's direction. Without thinking or hesitation, she jumped on the bed beside him and securely embraced Allen lovingly, sympathetically, gingerly. His body trembled slightly in her grasp, but she didn't care about that at the moment. Allen's health and state of mind far surpassed his shaking.

"Are you all right, Allen?" Lenalee asked, stroking his back soothingly, vanquishing Allen's fit of shakes as he melted into the embrace and accepted her warmth. Somehow, this relieved her.

"Yes, I'm fine," Allen whispered, burying his face in her neck. "Especially now that you're here, Lenalee."

Her heart thumped loudly in her chest with joy... excitement... love. For whatever reason, those words quenched her concern about him all while making Lenalee overly happy to know that the simplest actions from her could make him bear all this much better and soothe his wild emotions that led to stupefying petrification.

She smiled sincerely. "You sure you don't need a doctor? Or at least Bookman?"

The curving of his lips tickled her skin. "I found a remedy." He looked at her, holding Lenalee closer to him for his comfort, yet unintentionally sparking Lenalee's emotions, and their new closeness made her face shade crimson. "You didn't need to come."

"Of course I did!" Lenalee protested. "Besides, Lavi was panicking and that isn't easy to do."

Allen chuckled lightly. Unknown: Why he suddenly elevated to was something, just something, extraordinarily pleasant about hugging Lenalee, relying on her to be with him for support and solace. The thought gave him this thrill, and he wondered if the rest of his life would be like this. Allen feared one thing more dying shortly, far earlier than anticipated, and that was letting moments like these slip away and letting Lenalee out of his grasp.

Allen tightened his hold on her, pressing his cheek to hers. "Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me? I haven't done anything."

"You came for me, that's enough." Allen smoothly added, "I bet Komui would be jealous of me right now. I have his precious sister in my arms and in my bed."

"Something about that doesn't sound quite right there, Allen." Lavi said as he walked in Allen's bedroom with a cup of cold milk and a tray of freshly baked cookies.

Lavi snickered as Allen and Lenalee madly blushed, realizing Lavi's joke and the innuendo in Allen's sly joke, and oddly Allen felt dirty to have accidentally said something so... raw like that. At least it seemed raw to him. Even if it wasn't it was wrong and... just inappropriate and oh-so embarrassing.

They broke their warm embrace and scooted a safe distance away from each other. Allen preoccupied himself with counting the stripes on his blanket and Lenalee nervously fiddled with her thumbs, head sinking lower and lower under Lavi's scrutiny. Oh, how she'll hear about this later in one of his new attempts to urge her on to confess her deep passionate feelings about her best friend. But they weren't even 18 years of age... Could they-could she-be in love or is it a fanciful fantasy? No, no, it must be love.

When Lenalee met Lavi, Kanda, and Allen, each meeting feeling extra special and she knew their bonds would be grow to more than basic friendship, which quickly grew to best-friend bonds, then brotherly sisterly love. Except Allen. Her devotion to their friendship went the extra hundred miles, and this unmitigated sensation inside her... is unexplainable and eventually she concluded love. Unadulterated love. People say love feels like a knot in chest, butterflies in your stomach, and when the person gets too close to you, you heat up and your heart skips a few beats.

Well, it could be like that at times. When she was about to confess one time that's just how she felt. This was nerves in this relationship. However, Lenalee feels eagerness and excitement when she is around him, in a fiery rage bursting higher and higher, expanding constantly. Allen is on her mind seventy-eight percent of the time. Lenalee longs for his simple touches- a tropical caress, the friendly hand holding, yet more intimate, the fuzzy warmth of their hugs... a sweet fervent kiss. Now is that sisterly brotherly love? No.

"Now I know I am far from a chef, but I made a batch of chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies." Lavi set the tray on the floor in front of him when he sat down criss-cross style. "Brought two things of Oreos just in case I screwed them up though. Also, got milk." Lavi held up the gallon of cold milk and a few glasses, shaking them tauntingly in front of Allen as his gray eyes gleamed and he drooled over the cookies. "Nothin' like cookies and milk. Come on, boy, come here."

"Don't treat him like a dog." Lenalee rolled her eyes.

Allen hopped off the bed, letting Lavi pour him a glass of milk as he reached for a cookie. His one-eyed friend set the glass in front of Allen and the cookie took a cannon ball in the milk, and Allen even added childish rocket sounds for effect. Giggling, Lenalee joined them on the floor and rationed the portions between the three of them reasonably. Lenalee and Lavi shared a third of the cookies and the rest went to the eight-year-old role-playing Allen, to which Lavi soon joined in cheerfully. Lenalee shook her head, purely amused by their antics.

"Pshhhh-puh-puh-puh-kerrrr." Lavi waved the peanut butter cookie around vehemently, gradually slowing the movements until the cookie drifted in the air leisurely.

"Uh-oh. Houston, Commander Lavi and his loyal space cadet worshipers, have a major problem." Lavi covered his mouth to make his voice sound muffled and coarse, seemly attempting to make it sound like he was a radio or add static. Lenalee didn't know for sure.

"The rocket has encountered a malfunc-hey!" Allen bit into Lavi's space ship cookie and grinned, making Lavi gasp in horror and gawk at his half-eaten 'rocket.'

"Mhmm, delicious marsh mellows." Allen remarked, licking his lips.

"Marsh mellows?" Lavi cocked his eyebrow.

Allen nodded, sinking a Oreo in his glass of milk. "Soft and rich Marshans."

"Oh. Ohhhh!" Lavi shrugged. "Ahhhhh! Ashton! We have a problem!"

"Ashton?" Lenalee asked, nibbling on her chocolate chip cookie.

"Marshans are from Mars, and Mar has volcanic activity. Volcanic activity equals ash. _Duh_."

"Oh, got'cha. Continue."

"Thank you." Lavi coughed into his fist, clearing his throat. "Ahhhhh! We're being eaten by... Wait, if my astronauts are Marshans, what the hell are you?"

Allen gulped down his milk, his lips curling up in a frisky grin. "Luke Sky_walker_!"

* * *

_Sorry __TykkiMikk __that I updated way past than promise, and sorry to the rest of this story's fans. There's nothing worse than writing a chapter and drawing a blank on what to write next half way through it! But I managed, and I gotta say I'm quite proud with this one. Especially the end. I don't know where that came from, but I just wanted to make the ending of this chapter no so sad this time... So I randomly wrote the ending. *_* _

_Like always, hope you enjoyed._


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